Read the post below with a wink. It is not meant as a bitter numeration, just a parody on what we all run into every now and then. Look at it as an Ask Ubuntu conversion of "How to irritate people"
NEVER give all relevant information at once. Especially don't mention if your issue seems to be related to something you did for example.
If you get a good answer, which does not work however, as a result of
[1], immediately mention it does not work, BUT, don't give any information to improve the answer. Make the answerer dangle a bit, begging for relevant information.If you notice the answer was given in a prompt way, and the answerer communicates instantly, make sure to slow down the process. Your reply should not appear within 50-100 times it took the answerer to reply. The best is of course to never come back to your own question, but this should only be done if you already found your answer somewhere else.
If you asked a question, and you get one or more answers that perfectly match the question, change the question drastically. The advantage is that given answers will look completely silly. You'll have to accept the risk that the poster will try to edit his or her answer, to fit the question. This can be resolved by another major edit to the question. It is a bit of work, but the result is hilarious.
Accepting an answer should be discouraged, but if you accept, make sure to change your choice on a regular basis. Especially when there is no new answer or any additional information, this is great fun.
If you get a good answer, that should have worked if you'd given all the relevant information, don't ask the poster to edit his answer, according to the missing information, but quickly post your own answer, for the greater part based on the existing answer, and accept your own answer. Don't be so weak to even upvote the existing answer.
If you feel the poster of a comment (e.g. to get additional information) is not aware of your incredibly high level of knowledge, reply to his or her comment in an agitated or (preferably) aggressive way. That'll teach him or her. In case such a poster eventually posts an answer: no matter if it is the best answer accept another answer, preferably the worst in row.
Be sure to invigorate your question by mentioning you will switch back to Windows, and the Ubuntu platform will lose the honor of your presence, if the answerer will not make it work exactly like it was on Windows. Ignore suggestions to try alternative solutions, repeat your demand. In the unfortunate case someone seems to give you exactly what you asked for, don't panic, just keep looking until you find a difference. Anything will do.
If, despite all the good work mentioned above, the moment comes that you can no longer ignore the fact your question accidentally got answered, you still have a few options to give you some satisfaction nevertheless:
- Edit your question's title, adding the section [SOLVED].
Not mentioning which of the answers solved your issue is especially nice if you have multiple answers to your question, leaving the posters with a question mark above their heads. - Post a comment, mentioning something like "Thanks, this works perfectly". Again, do NOT vote or accept.
In both cases, add a filter to your email application to automatically delete possible emails you will get from the site, mentioning the requests (comments) for clarification.
- Last but not least: the ultimate way to mess up your question is of course to just leave the question alone from the second you pushed enter. Never come back to it anyhow.
###Appendix
If you still feel unsure how to ruin your question, or simply want to read more about the subject, some additional tips. Note that some of these tips were sponsored by readers of this post :)
To attract more readers to your post, make sure it is noticed in the jungle of questions. always use capitals in your question's titles. A nice starter would look like:
**MY SYSTEM BROKE DUE TO AN UPDATE UBUNTU RUINED MY SYSTEM WHY IS EVERYTHING SO DIFFICULT ON UBUNTU**Furthermore, to most people, it is totally unclear with what purpose questions are posted here. Make sure to add a clarification, but dont overdo it, best leave out some consonants. A good format would be:
PLZ HELP ME ASAP!!
This will also prevent readers from fooling around all day before starting to work on your question.